Pulling my HAIR out!

I am a bit of a control freak. Not in the ADD kind of way..but I like to be in control of situations. As I mentioned I’m taking back some control by stopping smoking. Smoking will no longer control me..which it really does. You find yourself going somewhere and worrying about when you were going to get your next smoke. So now I will no longer worry about that.. but there are 848 other things going on now that I don’t have control about.

First off my cousin is going to do some work in our bathroom while we’re gone. We’ve decided to leave alot of the details up to him. No control on that, and I’m fine with it while my stylish husband is a little iffy. It will all be OK. We’ll come home and more than likely have a temporary toilet in the basement..which my cousin calls the TARLET.. cause we’re in St Louis and that’s how us South Siders say things.

This brought me to thinking about my mother. She went to college and got a degree. She’ll tell you that if you listen. She graduated high school in 1944 then went straight to college and became a teacher. Growing up she insisted that I speak correctly..no ain’t gonna etc around our house. This was difficult since we live in an area where there are some STRONG midwest accents. Zink, Farty, Tarlet, Witchoo, Warsh are really sink, forty, toilet, with you and wash.  My dad’s family, the ones that didn’t go to college (which mom will tell you about if you listen) all have these accents. Mom would constantly correct my dad and me so we wouldn’t slip into the comfortable slang. It really worked for me, although just like anything I can easily slip into this talk.  It was fun listening to my cousin last night. He’s a super duper talented construction type business guy and I know he’s going to do a fantastic job.

Back to my mother. Follow me, you’ll like this one. Sunday we went to Dave and Buster’s. When we go out we bring the puppy over to mom and dad’s house. Dad hands me a piece of paper and says, “Mom said to give this to you”. I looked at the paper. It was an insert from the Reader’s Digest bill. For years mom has been paying for my subscription.  The slip was one of those things that tells you to go to a website and get a prize. I put the thing in my pocket and went on my merry way. When I got home that evening and was changing into my jammies I noticed I still had it. I glanced at it and threw it in the trash. This gets better, stick with me.

Yesterday my mother decided that she wanted her hair washed, grocery shopping done, carpets steem cleaned and house cleaned. Did I mention that I’m leaving Friday night for vacation and have to work all week from 7:30 am to 5pm…AND that the Closer, Saving Grace and Anthony Bourdaine were on last night as well as my cousin coming over and there was laundry to do? ….I did… OK..so then you are still with me.

I went and popped a commit in my mouth and longed for a shot of something and a smokie.. Mom goes on to tell me about how she needs a computer and a VCR. She has stuff on tape and wants to watch it, there was one in a catalog for $400 and she wanted to by it. OMG… So as I go through talking her off the VCR ledge she says, “So, did Dad give you that card yesterday?”. I said “Yeah, I pitched it”.

MOM: What do you mean you pitched it?

MP: It was Junk.

MOM: NO, it was from Readers Digest.

MP: Yeah, they were giving junk away.

MOM: THEY WERE GIVING ME A GIFT!!! (she sounded 5)

MP: NO, it’s a ploy to spend money, nothing is free mom.

MOM: IT WAS MY GIFT YOU THROUGH AWAY!

MP: (sigh…silence)

MOM: Good thing, they sent me another one. Go to this website… (she rattles off the website)

MP: You sign up for a free book subscription and they will send you one free book. These are the condesed books, not a full novel. I don’t want this.

MOM: Oh

Yes… PLUS, they changed my email address at work and now my email is acting all funky. My BFF at work, Dolce, moved offices and sits across from me. She has a plub in air freshener that to me..smells like an entire flower shop farted..and it’s KILLING me.. God love  her she unplugged it.  For some reason it’s making me want to go outside and smoke, which I won’t..but it did send me a bit over the edge this morning.   I set my appointment to get my mani and pedi tomorrow night, like I really have an hour to kill..but you should see my hands and feet. I now need to figure out when the cats are going to the boarder and when I’m going to have time to wash mom’s hair.

Time for another Commit Lozenge