Category Archives: mother

Rant of the care-giver daugther to hired help

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This is an email I just sent to the company that is caring for my parents.. 24 hours a day.. I had to put my work phone on DND.. wipe away the tears.. and type..
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My mother knows how to push my buttons, I am sure you know that. She just called and I’m about in tears.. I hate to seem selfish but the reason that we are doing this is so that I can have a life as well as having care for my parents. All of a sudden now my evening plans of meeting my friend at the Y then watching a movie with Jeremy are out the window. She called demanding that I find her coat and her clothes to wear on Thursday and said that on Sunday all the clothes she normally wears are gone in the basement and we can’t wait. Then she is saying that her leg being wrapped is on day 2.. Right now I am not wrapping her legs, it grosses me out and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. She’s yelling at me to get over there and do that, then she said that my dad is having a fit because he wants a shave and I don’t know how to shave a man.. and she’s saying that xxx caregiver doesn’t know how to do it either. So now selfishly I’m pounding my feet because I don’t feel like being flexible.. I don’t want to go there I told them last night I had things i was doing tonight.. I know I’m being unrealistic, selfish and quite a baby about all of this but… maybe I’m wrong. Am I supposed to shave him? I don’t have the stuff in front of me.. maybe I need to get Jeremy to do it?
And then.. I asked her if the mail came yet.. and she says “I’ll call your aunt across the street to see”.. I said, “MOM.. you have someone in the house, ask them if the mailman came”.. she said, “Aunt Norma likes to tell me things like that”.. it’s so stupid it’s not even funny.
I know when she isn’t your mother it’s different but she is driving me crazy. SOON I’m going to figure out a weekend and just stay at a motel 6 in wentzville if I have to just to get away for a day..
I guess part of this entire rant is to get an explanation of what my part is.. I volunteered to grocery shop once a week.. and fix dad’s meds. I want to be able to limit visits to at every other day.. She’s playing it so I can’t have a day off..
What are you thoughts.. spoiled brat? selfish? you can give me the readers digest abridged answer.. I’m afraid if i talk on the phone i’ll start crying again..
thanks..
MP

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Being a Caregiver Sucks..

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I’m almost giddy I can see the relief and help coming.  I may over the last couple posts brushed over the stress of this Care Giver role. Right now it is killing me. I feel guilty, needed, anxious, tired, bored, hurt, abandoned, lost.. a million different feelings.

Sometimes I just pray that God (god, he, she, fate whatever) just takes my parents.. painlessly and as soon as they are ready.

Mom is 85 and is walking bone on bone.. her knees are shot. She’s about 4’5 and weighs maybe 250lbs. Pain.. they say our pain level of 10 is her 4. She wants things the way they are but they can never be. There are strangers in her house touching her stuff. She’s lost almost all control, except for her control over me. Now my dad is coming home. She thinks he is going to be as when he left. I think dad has been gone since shortly after Christmas. Dad when from the hospital to the nursing home. He is needing 24 hour care. He’s plataued at the nursing home. He yells at me, he’s not happy. He said that he isn’t going to go home on Sunday, he’s going to be in heaven by that time. I told him that wasn’t an option, I  have gone through WAY to much shit for him to die before he gets home.

Prior to the Holidays.. from June through then it was only me.. and Jeremy doing anything for them. Occasionally I would have a cousin bring over some soup or something. But I was there twice a day. The cleaning lady would come by and the lady that does my mom’s hair. Finally after dad went into the hospital things had to change. The cleaning lady quit.. mom is getting worse at home. Since then I’ve been going from home to work to the hospital/nursing home to mom’s to home.. the only down time has really been 5th grade basketball.. or a slow day at work.

I get people telling me.. “Let me know what I can do”.. well.. can you drink some polyjuice potion and change yourself? Can you BE me? I’m POA, my mom trusts me.. my dad wants me.. Finally now that we’ve hired the aides things calmed a little with mom but there is still alot on my shoulders. This afternoon I’m meeting  to discuss some details. At least the meeting is at lunch.. and a fab little Turskish place I’ve been really wanting to try.

Later this afternoon I go with dad to the doctor. Then back to mom’s the evening.

Did I tell you 24 hour care at their house starts Sunday?? I guess that, plus the beautiful weather has me a bit giddy today. I told one of my BFF’s that I should be feeling worse inside.. but I don’t and I’m not going to complain. I entered to win a girl trip to NYC.. I really need to get away.. bad.. I’d love to just escape.

I have honestly been living one day at a time, which is all I can do.  I am really looking forward to getting back to the Y and being able to start taking care of myself. I feel like shit.

 

Brand New Post Involving Bullet Points!

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  • This was our group that walked

    This was our group that walked

    I have been in SUCH a blogging funk I feel like I’ve been gone for a million years.

  • Lately I feel a million years old. My hair needs to be dyed, I have so many grey’s I look 60..not that there is anything wrong with being 60..it’s just that I’m still in my early 40’s.
  • I just now forgot how old I was.
  • I got out the calculator. I’m still 42
  • I have been an excercising fool.
  • I still can’t fit back into my skinnier pants that I was wearing last spring.
  • We have a full membership to the Y and I take 2 classes a week. Deep Water Exercise. I really like it.
  • I walk on the treadmill and ride the staionary bike.
  • I bought a real live mountain bike. It’s a Schwinn. It’s Pink.
  • I walked in my first “walk” at Forest Park. It was for March of Dimes in memory of Maddie. I met Lisa and Heather who have blogs and there really cute kids. There was also a woman named Adene who brought her preemie w/ her..he’s 13 and his friend. The last mile was tough, it was 3.25 miles or something like that.
  • I started taking pictures again. Check the link on the side to Flickr.
  • I’ve had some people offer to buy prints from me. They have only shown interest. Could you even imagine?
  • I’ve been very irritable lately. I think I’m going through premenapause. (sorry to any boy reading). I haven’t had a period in at least 4 months. It could be because I’ve been exercising more. No I’m not pregnant and no I haven’t gone to the doctor.
  • They cut our pay at work..that sucks. I’m one of the few people that is taking less pay but has to do more work. Hourly employees take an unpaid day off every pay period. I’d rather have one of those.
  • I’m still addicted to Facebook and Twitter. I have a tweetdeck now.
  • I’m going to Aruba in 6 weeks and I haven’t told my mother yet.
  • My mother is driving me even MORE crazy than normal.
  • I am starting to read blogs again…baby steps…baby steps…
  • I really think I need to win the lottery.
  • There was an earthquake in Mexico City today as well as that Swine Flu thing going around. I”m glad I don’t have plans to go to Mexico.
  • Drew is playing baseball now. He likes it.
  • It feels good to get back to random bullet points!

Ya Big Sell Out..and another True Mother Story

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Yeah..that’s what I feel like!

Why: Because I have now put all the blogs I read…well almost all of them, on a reader. I’m still trying to figure out how to use it. No extra clicks unless the spirit moves me to leave a comment.

Another reason is cause I want/need adds. Why? Cause I wrote that post w/ the hot girl pictures and I am getting so many hits from horny guys it’s crazy, and it hasn’t died off and I want to make money from it.

I’m addicted to Twitter and Facebook and have been neglecting my own blog..and yours. I’ve also been neglecting my camera and flickr.

If you were interested in the steak sandwich I explained on the previous post.

Mother story of the day: Phone rings last night…I missed it, she called again. I answer the phone..(MP = me and M= Mom)
MP: Yes Mother
M: Did I bother you?
MP: I thought you weren’t going to call unless it was an emergency..Mark Harmon is on my TV in HD..(I didn’t say that but I wanted to)
M: Sorry but I had to tell you what happened
MP: What?
M: The Furnace Man was here and he fixed the furnace. There was a clog by the pipe that goes outside, he fixed it. There wasn’t any cost since we already paid that $149.
MP: Good, so what is the story? (itching to get back to my shows)
M: Well you know how I love my Dancing with the Stars..well the darndest thing happened. It was in Spanish. It really didn’t matter since the music and dancing were still in english (appropriate time to start rolling your eyes)
MP: Why did you watch it in Spanish?
M: I thought they changed it.
MP: Huh?
M: Well then Daddy and I were watching the news and that was a little harder to follow but they put the weather numbers on the screen.
MP: Did you think of changing the channel?
M: It was all in Spanish
MP: Huh?
M: So the Furnace Man asked for the remote and he fixed it. Daddy must have hit a button.

True Story..the Furnace Man saves the day

Weekend Update AKA At the Movie’s!

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So, it was adult movie’s at MP’s house. Get your mind out of the gutter!! What I mean is that Drew wasn’t over so we could venture above PG.

Friday night J and I saw Eagle Eye w/ Shia LaBeouf
First off…he is a hottie for a boy old enough to be my son. YES really, born in 1986, I was in college.
He’s not a hottie, hottie like George Clooney…but there is something about him that makes you want to watch him on screen. I guess it’s cause he’s a good actor too. J and I were having the conversation after the movie. It’s like he’s the new “go to action guy”..the new Matt Damon.
So anyway..did you like the Bourne movies? Mission Impossible? Yes you say..?? Then get your ass out there and see this movie. You won’t be disappointed. You don’t like fast paced, Government Intel..guns, cyber crime type movies then don’t waste your money.

Eat Drink Man Woman. How did I not see this before? I have to tell you I am loving my Starz Cinema station. Yes, this was in subtitles. I DON’T CARE. I love it. I can read and watch TV at the same time. This movie is a great story about family, friends, love, food, career. It’s funny and serious. The cooking in the movie is amazing. The actors are wonderful. This movie is from 1994 and was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film. Ang Lee is the director.

For the Boys. I have ALWAYS loved Bette Midler. Her voice, her style her comedy. In this movie she is an aggressive dame in a duo that starts performing on the USO tour during WWI, comes home and does a TV variety show (ala Burns and Allen) then they continue to Korea and Vietnam. Music, laughs, tears. It has it all. I know I’m a cheeseball for loving this movie. But I love me some Bette Midler.

Besides some movie watching we went to Drew’s soccer game and celebrated mom’s 83rd birthday!
TV: Amazing Race..Great season.
True Blood..OMG Sookie is getting sexy!

Vacation Mode

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I have just officially began vacation mode. NO I’m not on vacation nor am I going anywhere soon. It’s just that June 2009 we get our first “week” in Aruba at our timeshare.

We would like my in-laws to come at the same time so I had to call and ask some questions. I did and decided to google to see how construction was going. Yes..we purchased a time share on a place that was going to be renovated..it hadn’t started yet.. we did it on faith. WELL we have friends now in Aruba that have been keeping us posted, and I read a story today.

June is less than a year away. I can smell the salt air already..the beautiful thing was throwing that Hilton Head South Carolina trip in there. I guess that is the thing..I need to see the ocean twice a year. Now I know.

SO.. I haven’t read any blogs again today, been on twitter a bit.

Big Brother.. Time for the Part 3 HOH Competition. Dan is SUCH a good player. I would love to see Jerry win HOH just to screw up his plans.

Tonight is The Greatest American Dog finale. GO Presley!!

I’m going to hook up my parents Wifi tonight, wish me luck.

If you said you were watching the HBO show True Blood then you need to read this blog, Blood Copy.
warning: time suck…pun intended

Old People Smack Down

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I really don’t know where to begin. This is a 100% true story…honest abe.

Yesterday I was having a bit of a shitty day. I was stressing at work, having a bit of a nic fit, trying to figure one how to do everything I needed to get done before our road trip.

One of the things I needed to do was wash my mom’s hair. Just in case you are new here or haven’t paid attention in the past.. Dad is 87, Mom is 82.. Dad isn’t too sharp mentally and is weaker than he has been in the past. He’s fallen a few times, landed in the old folks home for a stint and is an all around great guy. Mom can barely walk. Her knees blew out on her at least 20 years ago but she was too chicken to have surgery..so they got worse and worse…so she didn’t move much..so she gained weight. The woman still does crossword puzzles every day. The woman can drive you fruit.

Being a bit selfish I decided that I’m going to stop and get BBQ for me and J..and Jack. I didn’t want to see if mom and dad wanted anything cause if I went over there she’d make me do something and I’m hungry and having a nic fit and I want to go home first and get into shorts.

I called my husband for the 3965 time that day, he still didn’t pick up the phone. I explained I had forgotten my cell phone but that I was getting BBQ…then around 7:30 was going to go wash mom’s hair..then we’d watch Big Brother. (uggg w/ the POV)

At 6pmish I walk into my house w/ BBQ. I see a note on the table; it reads: “Your Dad fell. Jack and I at your parents. “

I turn around, not even setting my bags ‘ o ‘ bbq down and head back to the car.. damn it..shit…all the way to the car.

I get to mom and dad’s in 3 minutes (they are really close)..and walk into the back door. I can hear them talking. I walk in the kitchen and the dogs are yapping and mom, dad and J are sitting at the table.

Hands on my hips: “What happened?” “Are you OK?” “What time did you fall?” and the 354 other questions.

Well then the three of them start talking at the same time and the dogs are yapping… “half hour ago” “why didn’t you get your parents bbq” “ooo there is bbq?” “do you want chop suey? honey go downstairs and bring that up then can you fix it?” “yeah why didn’t you call us?” “your mother pushed me” “he hit his head on the tile” “do something about that blood” “get a bandage”

Jeremy went home, I gave mom and dad my bbq and then I went home. I changed cloths, we grabbed a burger then I went back to wash mom’s hair. She was in the bathroom and dad was in the yard w/ the dogs. After going back and forth, back and forth..I got the story.

They were having a “discussion” about something. Neither one remembers WHAT it was about but it turned into an argument. Dad pulled mom’s earring and it ripped it out of her ear. She got pissed and picked up her cane and poked at him…he leaned back to avoid being poked by the rubber tip of the cane..that was being thrust at him by the 82  year old woman in the chair…and he fell…and got a rugburn on his elbow and little knot on his head.

I spoke to my mother this morning and reminded her that you do NOT hit dad with the cane or PRETEND to hit him..he’s more fragile. She said, “Well you don’t raise a hand to me, I have a temper..I’m Irish and Indian. You do know that our Cherokee roots go back….” to which I tell her… “I don’t care what nationality you are, do NOT wag or poke dad with your cane!”… she says, “He pulled my ear”…. me, “he was teasing!”.. her “no he was angry”……

she says.. “I think you’ve gained weight”