Category Archives: house

Lies, Rehab, Cheating and Happiness

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Kind of sounds like an Elvis Costello song doesn’t it?

Let’s start with Lies… It has come out that J’s girlfriend has been fed nothing but lies. BIG ones.. ones that are none of my business to post… and how do I know this??? Well I talked to her, on the phone, texts and email.  See she kicked him out of the house, he was homeless and excepted my gift of rehab.. to which I took him last week. I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall. I wish him only the best, I think he will be an AWESOME sober person, he can get addicted to the program.. he has it in him, I wish him well.. really.

I cheated. Yep.. a couple times, it’s bad.. I make the excuse of stress.. but I think I’m weak. I’ll keep on it though. Promise.

And I’m happy. In grade school fashion C and I updated our FB status to “in a relationship”. I like him a LOT. I can truly say I’m happy. I think if the stress of mom and dad were gone it would be replaced with something else.. I think there is always something else.. maybe one day I’ll make that clarity and total bliss.. but I’m not going to get hung up on that.

In side news.. divorce could be final as soon as a few weeks. The house keeps getting shown, nothing totally promising though. We may have to lower the price.

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Keep Swimming

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As Dory said in Finding Nemo:

Dory:”Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills… When life gets you down do you wanna know what you gotta do?” Marlin:”I don’t wanna know what you gotta do.” Dory:”Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.” Marlin:”Dory

I am totally swimming. The funk feeling is gone, I’m making progress in life in general.  I have my old house on the market, the tenant that was taking advantage of me is on the way out and I have a bit of control in my own destiny. Sure life isn’t all roses but I believe your attitude and how you let things effect you is the major part of life.

I’ve taken down my on line dating profile. I’m not looking.. what I though was going to be a summer of random one dates.. couple free dinners, meeting new people has actually turned into a relationship. I don’t doubt this cause I can tell he feels the same way. I’m 45, there are not enough hours in the day to be fake or phoney or play games. I get to be 100% me and I love it.  I feel like Sally Field.. “YOU LIKE ME YOU REALLY LIKE ME”.

My marriage was a farce at times, he didn’t like me, he liked who he thought I was or would become and I had to change some of my reactions and happiness, the whole thing was stupid. No, not the whole marriage, not everything.. it’s just that I had a nice friend, not a husband. I’m so glad that is almost totally behind me.

Now we’re totally in the getting to know you stage.. physically, emotionally, socially.. and he hasn’t run scared so I think that I’m doing OK.

Mom and Dad are still day to day.. no real change, but I am trying to not allow my mother’s manipulative ways effect me as much and am doing what I need to do but taking care of myself.  Is there more I could be doing? Hell Yeah.. I could be eating better, exercise, being more committed in quitting smoking (again).. but right now, I’m not giving myself a guilt trip. I am doing what I need to for my parents, going to work, and I’m going….. Where? I don’t know, but I do feel I’m on my way.

Dramarama

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Have I got drama for you!? Yet I’m feeling REALLY good. Let’s work with bullet points why don’t we!? I think it’s too difficult to actually create an accurate time line.. so just go with me..

  • Soon to be ex-husband is still living in my parents house still. He wants to play this until January. I am TRYING to play along and just “use” him.. but OMG I want him gone.
  • The new girlfriend has changed her FB status to “in a relationship” with a “anniversary date” of at lest a month before I knew.
  • The bank has decided to modify my loan! I found a friend who actually needed help and is renting my place.. it doesn’t pay the full mortgage but it may help to hold on to it until the market changes.
  • I’m meeting with a divorce attorney tomorrow.
  • My parents car was stolen and recovered. The police taught me how to start a car with a screwdriver.
  • I am getting together with my friends which is nice.
  • We are gathering people to play bocce again once a week.
  • I am getting ME back.. and smiling.
  • I started smoking again.. so sue me.. I’ll quit again.
  • I have told my work place about the divorce and how I’ll end up having to take care of my parents some days. They are willing to give me a home office when needed.
  • I was getting the gas turned back on in my house for the new tenant/friend…ended up they couldn’t do it because there is a freaking gas leak.
SO.. is that enough drama for you? It is for me.. Yet I feel so alive and for the most part good.. crying has stopped.. not much regret.. I get to sleep in a real bed this Saturday. J is staying w/ my parents and I’m spending the night at a friends house.  We still need to tell our families.. and my awesome 12 year old stepson. SO.. not over by a longshot.. but it’s moving right along.
And yes.. I have every intention of getting back to blogging yet I still don’t have a new routine.. and I’m still not reading blogs like I should.. but I will.. right now it’s still just a bit about me.

Spring Cleaning My Life

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Well.. I got off my ass finally and got some things done. Had the conversation with the caregivers.. said things need to change, I’m going to be more involved in running my parents house. I don’t know why this has been so freaking scary for me, but it has been. I guess it’s huge.. well I know it’s a huge ass deal. I feel SO relieved I made that step.. I knew I would be. Procrastination? I’m not sure. The break I wanted wasn’t much of one since it was surrounded in guilt.

My friend I mentioned, I’m working on forgiveness.. not sure how that relationship will continue yet but at least I’m working on it in my heart.

I suppose I’m kind of doing a Spring Cleaning in my life.. It totally fits with the NoMoreExcuses..

It is difficult, like with Katrina, Haiti.. and now Japan.. it’s difficult watching what is going on in the world and still try to continue a daily life.. those people don’t have a choice, they are stuck taking help where they can, not able to mourn the loss of loved once as they struggle to survive themselves. I can’t feel guilty for not being a part of that though. I need to wish them well in my heart and hope they feel some peace. Who am I kidding, it has to just suck.. Ugg…I almost want to avoid the news.

Well I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I have things to do both in my life.. my heart.. my parents.. work.. etc. My husband hit a pick 4 in the lottery and is taking those winnings to start a small investment. I’m glad he’s able to do that.

In totally unrelated news: We saw Battlefield Los Angeles today.. I don’t think I breathed for 2 hours.. Fun action/war movie.. I highly recommended if you like that sort of movie.

 

 

Bathroom Update, Hotels and Feeling Sorry for Myself

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This is how my yesterday starts: I started my period yesterday while wearing white jeans (sorry Jason andRimmyGreggyou here too? Did I miss any other men?TMI..I know but I don’t do it all the time).

NO I didn’t have it on my calendar cause I’ve NEVER been able to keep track and now since I’m 41..no way

THEN I get the call that the toilet and sink will NOT be installed yesterday.(you do understand this is the ONLY bathroom in my house..right? ) We had already checked out of the hotel by my office so I HAD to go home, plus I needed fresh clothes and needed to do laundry. I drove home holding in the tears. This is when I REALLY piss myself off. Lisa gets diagnosed w/ cancer and I’m crying over not being able to stay in my house.. I mean come on, really.

side note..Lisa has an update..it may NOT be cancer but it’s still all funky chunky monkey so they may do exploratory surgery…scary stuff…keep praying

I should know better, when my friend Jim died from ALS a few years ago I did a real big CHECK on my attitude and life and realized what was important, what mattered….but I cried; I miss my cats, I miss my dog, I miss my bed. I want to go grocery shopping and watch MY TV in MY BED and watch MY DVR. The last evening I stayed in my bed was July 17th.

OK, I’m finished….I feel better.

Hampton Inn and Suites was OK, Wyndham out by my office was OK but the Drury Inn is better. It has a 32″ LG TV and a kick ass breakfast. They also have an outdoor pool. If it’s sunny I’m swimming after work. Don’t you know I packed my swim suit. They don’t have a thing where you can order movies though..Thank God it’s Shark Week.

side note: Have you seen I Love Money on VH1?? Oh my GAWD it is totally addicting! Big Brother is on tonight though..hope Jessie goes home.

My pimped bathroom really is coming along, J totally calmed me down last night. 2 body sprayers (you ever hear of Grohe..yeah me neither but it’s supposed to be nice), a seat, travertine tile surrounding the glass block window, ceramic tiles even on the shower ceiling..it’s gonna be nice. You are going to ask to come take a shower at my house. I wonder how many I can fit in the shower..hmmm

Come home from vacation and live in a hotel..what’s up with that??

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Hi all. I TOTALLY apologize for note learning how to do the admin features on my blog…I know you were really looking forward to a Biddy party.. 😦

Remember the bathroom saga..well the entire week we’ve been gone my cousin the construction worker has been redoing my bathroom. We have crap and dust ALL over the house and no toilet or shower..maybe until Friday. I had to extend the cats stay at the kennel and Jack is staying at mom and dad’s.

BUT…we are experiencing “Pimp My Bathroom”.. OMG…OMG… We’re going to have a shower w/ a shower head, 2 body sprayers and a seat…new floor, new ceilings w/ 2 heating lamps and an exhuast fan (we never had a fan in the bathroom…mp says while holding her nose) When it’s all done I will be SO happy. Then we just need to get the kitchen plumbing up to par..that’s a whole other story.

I have 89403 pictures..yes I do!~ You know I will be making you go look at all of them.

Did you follow my twitters? I was following a few people then I turned it off, the alarms got annoying.

Here are some highlights from the trip:

We drove after the American Idol concert through to Hilton Head…without stopping. I drove through the moutains at sunrise when everyone else was asleep..that was awesome.

We went boogie boarding in the beach everyday for a while. This was Drews first time to the beach and he LOVED it.. He wiped out once though..but got back in there. I have not had that much fun in the beach for YEARS. J got out there too…every morning I would get up SOOOO sore and I would just get my swimsuite on..grab my boogie board and spf 50 and head to the beach. TOO much fun.

We also went onto a lake and saw alligators..and a rubber raft following a shrimp boat watching dolphin..and shark. We played putt putt..swam in the pool, made dinner, went out to dinner, road bikes. Then on the way home we stopped in Atlanta and went to the Georgia Aquarium. OMG that is awesome. We decided when we hit Nashville to just drive home but we knew we couldn’t go “home” so I called to get a hotel near Drew’s house..we went to Harrah’s.. $100 for a room w/ 2 Queen beds..perfect. We got there, there were no rooms and we got booted up to a Penthouse suite for the same rate.. Very Nice.

So today we napped at a hotel near our house, tomorrow I’m going w/ my cousin to pick out tile. We’re unpacking the rental right now since we have to return that tomorrow..we won’t stay too long though, the dust is killing me.

I had internet and blog withdrawls..I need to catch up on the news too.

So just in case I don’t get to everyone’s blog leave me a comment and let me know what is up with you? Any exciting news?

Believe me by Monday I’ll up date w/ little stories and hopefully have some pictures uploaded.

Don’t Get Old!!

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Those were the wise word of a very sweet, very cuddly Italian woman, who happened to be my Grandma. Grandma died in 1980. She was 96 years old. I remember her death like it was yesterday.

I was lying in my bed, the phone range around 2am. Our phone was in the hallway, there was a special little shelf for the phone. I could hear my dad cry, it was a scream and a sob. I could hear my mother saying “Oh John”. I knew Grandma was gone. Dad put on his clothes, I asked to go too but he told me to stay home.

Grandma lived 3 doors down from us, my Aunt lived with her. There was no “hospice” back then but there was a lady from the neighborhood that always sat with the dying. She was there and dad’s sisters. Even though she was 96 years old it hit my dad VERY hard. To this day dad still talks about his mom and how he can’t wait to see her again in heaven. When he was in the hospital a couple years ago that was all he talked about; the idiot doctor had him on morphine and he was talking outside his head. There was no way in hell Grandma was going to have another visitor. I had his meds changed.

I took Dad to see Grandma’s grave the other day. The cemetery isn’t far away but we’re not “cemetery” kind of people. I knew where it was though, I would drive down the road near by and would thinking of Grandma every time I went by. Dad was surprised I remembered where it was in the big cemetery, I mean it’s been almost 29 years ago. I found it though, big huge stone w/ Jesus. Kind of Resurrection type of a pose. There at the bottom were Felicia and Enrico. Grandpa died in 1947…I never knew either Grandpa. Dad got his cane out and I head him as he navigated the grass and dirt. We laughed at all the names, he felt like he was walking down one of our neighborhood streets; Rugerri, Columbo, Marlo, Berra.. “There’s Josie!, Oh look there’s Ceasar”.. Dad was very happy to see where Grandma was. More than likely that will be our last time there..unless he asks, of course I would take him back. It makes him so sad though.

Back to Grandma. I always remember her as very big..not fat just tall and big boned. Now though when I look at Dad and his too living sisters…I don’t think Grandma was that big, there is no way she could have been. Grandma started going back to speaking Italian only toward the end of her life, I used to tell her, “Grandma SPEAK ENGLISH”.. but she would shake her head at me…kinda like how dad does know when he doesn’t know what the hell I’m talking about. It’s a disgusted look.

As a child Grandma used to tell me that I had “Porka Chopa Legs”…yes I always was a bit plump. Her favorite saint was St Rita. She was always saying prayers or the rosary while she looked out the front window. She didn’t care too much for TV except every Sunday morning she would watch Wrestling At The Chase. Dad and I would eat danishes with her and watch with her. It was very exciting.

Grandma always used to tell me. “DON’T GET OLD”… and she’d shake her head in disgust. She never complained but I’m sure she had many aches and pains.

Yesterday I took mom and dad to my cousin’s youngest daughter’s High School graduation party. Walkers..canes…all that good stuff. Well mom got stuck on the toilet..not really STUCK..but we went in the one nearest to where our table was and it wasn’t handicapped…and it was a low toilet.. There were the two of us in the stall. I couldn’t pull her from under her arms, she’s just too darn heavy..I wouldn’t let her use the toilet paper holder, she would have ripped that right off the wall…at one point she used my arm fat to try to pull herself up..and let me tell you that hurt like a bitch. Eventually she did a shimmy to the side and pressed up off the seat. I told her next time she’s to just go in her pants..I mean she wears a depends. She looked at me and I had to look away…the sadness in her eyes. She felt defeated, defeated by what her body has turned into..she is a sharp woman..pain in the ass but smart none the less. She reminds me constantly that SHE has a college degree. She told me, “Grandma was right you know, DON’T GET OLD”… I laughed, just like I did back when Grandma told me… I have a feeling though one of these days, God willing, I’ll be telling people the same thing.

I have a million meme’s to do..busy at work…gotta take Dad to the doctor this afternoon then we’re going to Sam’s club. OH..the bathroom now has plumbing that works… Now we need drywall, new floor, new kitchen plumbing… and that should be July. Anyone have an extra 10 grand?