If you have been playing along at home you may know that my ex-husband is an alcoholic. When I met him he drank, a lot and dabbled in drugs. I told him that was fine for a while, and occasionally.. but then it wasn’t. If he wanted to be with me he needed to grow up. He did, he quit drinking on his own. BAD move.. he ended up going through the DT’s and being hospitalized. He was sober our entire marriage but then as our relationship ended I wasn’t there to remind him he couldn’t drink.. so he did again, at least that is how I understand it.
He went through 2 rehabs this past year. .Read this article by Russel Brand.
I sat and said, yep.. that’s it. It’s very difficult to love someone that can’t take care of themselves. Even after being out of the relationship with him I go through the high’s and lows, proud of him for quitting, proud of his progress.. then that gut punch in my stomach when I realize he’s drinking again. “How’s My Mary?”.. WTF?? He never called me Mary and damn well knows I’m not his.. that was my clue. I almost cried I was sad. Sad because he let me down yet again, sad for his family, his son, his other ex-wife.
I told him before I blocked his number, “You are a grown ass man, you know how to get help if you really need it, I’m not going to listen to you complain and blame me for your illness and your despair”. He did reach out that next day for help. He called his sponsor and said “I’m having chest pains”. He’s now in the ICU, still going through detox. He is going to have to have open heart surgery later this week. I’m scared.. I’m sad. I don’t know why he doesn’t have the strength to do this by himself. I know he’d do it with more support by family, but wear do you draw the line between being an enabler and being supportive?
Keep him in your prayers. I hope for everyone he pulls out of this surgery OK.