Keep Swimming

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As Dory said in Finding Nemo:

Dory:”Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills… When life gets you down do you wanna know what you gotta do?” Marlin:”I don’t wanna know what you gotta do.” Dory:”Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.” Marlin:”Dory

I am totally swimming. The funk feeling is gone, I’m making progress in life in general.  I have my old house on the market, the tenant that was taking advantage of me is on the way out and I have a bit of control in my own destiny. Sure life isn’t all roses but I believe your attitude and how you let things effect you is the major part of life.

I’ve taken down my on line dating profile. I’m not looking.. what I though was going to be a summer of random one dates.. couple free dinners, meeting new people has actually turned into a relationship. I don’t doubt this cause I can tell he feels the same way. I’m 45, there are not enough hours in the day to be fake or phoney or play games. I get to be 100% me and I love it.  I feel like Sally Field.. “YOU LIKE ME YOU REALLY LIKE ME”.

My marriage was a farce at times, he didn’t like me, he liked who he thought I was or would become and I had to change some of my reactions and happiness, the whole thing was stupid. No, not the whole marriage, not everything.. it’s just that I had a nice friend, not a husband. I’m so glad that is almost totally behind me.

Now we’re totally in the getting to know you stage.. physically, emotionally, socially.. and he hasn’t run scared so I think that I’m doing OK.

Mom and Dad are still day to day.. no real change, but I am trying to not allow my mother’s manipulative ways effect me as much and am doing what I need to do but taking care of myself.  Is there more I could be doing? Hell Yeah.. I could be eating better, exercise, being more committed in quitting smoking (again).. but right now, I’m not giving myself a guilt trip. I am doing what I need to for my parents, going to work, and I’m going….. Where? I don’t know, but I do feel I’m on my way.

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