Throwing out the facts..

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So.. we had the discussion with my parents last night.. the money one, the difficult one. In my family it was always easier to just not talk about things. You don’t talk about your feelings, or why you are upset. No real need to confide in anyone. If you don’t talk about it, it will just resolve itself, or go away.. right?

Well, in my “no more excuses” attitude I just opened my mouth. We told them, “Look, 24 hour care is NOT covered by insurance, at the rate you are going you will be out of money in a year or two”.

The average cost, which is what we are paying is something like $300 a day for two people. This of course includes housekeeping, cooking, bathing and safety.  This allows them to stay in their house, with their dog, their stuff and continue life as almost normal. If they were to go into a nursing home, insurance wouldn’t cover that either and it would be around $10,000 for 2 of them per month. These are averages of course.  Right now the biggest mistake they have made in their lives is not getting nursing home insurance. If you are over the age of 50 and you aren’t paying for it yet you are a fool. You never know when or why you are going to need that.

My dad actually covered his ears like the monkey.. he did not what to hear what I was saying.. “money run out?”. He couldn’t fathom the idea. Our suggestion was that we’ll move in. We’ll put things in storage and move what we need into the dining room and living room area. Why this wasn’t a good idea??? My mom didn’t want her stuffed moved or God Forbid put in a storage area, my Dad likes the caregivers now and doesn’t want things to change. I guess they figured they would either be dead by now or they would be able to care for themselves. Well.. that wasn’t in the cards, so now we need to face the tough decisions. Mom said she wants to think about it. J explained to her that each week she thinks about it is another $2000.

We’ll see what happens, we can’t force them, we could just let the money run out, give the government the house and see what medicade would pay for. How can we as a nation allow our elderly to live in such uncertainty. What if you don’t have family and children to make the tough decisions. Too bad we can’t just check out when we’re ready.

I’m dealing with things, not just sweeping it in a corner waiting for it to resolve itself. I’m starting the conversations, dealing with things before they get too out of control.

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4 responses »

  1. Have you looked into a reverse mortgage? It would be a way to capitalize on the equity in their home and set up payments on as a monthly stipend, a lump sum, or combination. It might be worth looking into. I’ve brought up the subject with my dad in case he and his wife need constant care.

  2. man, such a tough thing to deal w/ elderly parents, especially when they won’t discuss this stuff. i am fortunate that my dad has been saving for “whatever might happen” and discusses (maybe too much) what to do “when the time comes”. good luck, and kudo’s to you for opening the subject!

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