i burned my vuh jay jay



just call me the mcdonald’s woman. i will never ever call that woman a fucktard again. never.

so, last night, i decided i wanted a french dip from arby’s. i know, yum. so, when i got home with it, i got a plate to put the little styrafoam container of au jus on (you know, for the dipping part of the french dip). i sat on the couch, legs stretched out, ready to dive in. i started with my curly fries, and since i got a salad plate for the au jus, i just squirted the ketchup from the packet directly onto the fries. well, inevitably, i dropped some ketchup on my shirt.

i looked down to see where it had landed, and that slightest of movement, caused the plate that was sitting on my lap to shift just enough that the au jus did an olympic worthy flip and spilled all over my lap. i sat there for about half a second in shock, and then the heat appeared. oh.my.gosh. i yelped. i literally yelped. tears immediately filled my eyes as i jumped off the couch, threw the plate down and did a little dance in the living room. it hurt like hell. my brain finally started functioning after dancing around the living room for a minute and i took peeled my jeans off. i kid you not, it was so hot, my jeans were stuck to my thighs. OUCH!

i waddled to the bathroom (i couldn’t walk because my thighs would rub together and that was too much to handle), turned the cold water in the shower on, and jumped in, shirt, panties, bra and all….

my thighs have little blisters. but what’s worse…my vuh jay jay has a couple of blisters which makes for a very uncomfortable EVERYTHING.

i doubt i’ll sue arby’s for a burnt vuh jay jay, but damn. there’s no need for the au jus to be flippin boiling.

now if you will excuse me, i’m going to go crawl into a hole and die of embarassment…


2 responses »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s