My blog is holding me accountable..

I’m hiding.
I’m procrastinating.
I am NOT living up to my “nomoreexcuses” montage..
I have avoided my blog because it is now my friend, and it’s holding me accountable.

No.. I have let calls go to voicemail. I need to fire the in home care company.. and it’s family. I have to fire him before my parents go into the poor house. I need to do it by tomorrow….or Saturday.. I’m so fucking chicken shit. I HATE confrontation.

I also got hurt by a friend.. I never get hurt, i usually don’t allow myself to open up enough to get hurt.. I took a chance, first time in at least 12 years and I got hurt.. and I’m not dealing with that very well. I need to walk away but I haven’t. It would be a “death” and I’d have to mourn the loss of the friendship and in hurting this person it would hurt me again.. I don’t feel like dealing with that right now.

I feel like this part of the song Breath

2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to

I need to pack and move. Seriously. Paycheck to paycheck is not flying at all. I need to get moving and live my life. This is way harder than I thought it would be.

What is home? Where is home?

I have been thinking alot about home. Inspired even more when I heard this song today.

We are always talking and singing about home.

• Home is where the heart is.
• Take me home country road.
• Keep the home fires burning.
• I wanna go home.
• Home sweet Home
• You can never go home again
• Hands build a house but heart builds a home

One of my favorite quotes though about home while thinking of this post was :

Where thou art – that – is Home.  ~Emily Dickinson

This place that I’m living in now has never really felt like home. I don’t know what it is though. I am comfortable here. We’re talking about leaving here and going back to my mom and dads.. another sort of home. That was never truly home either. What’s funny though is I’ve only technically lived in two houses, that one, and this one.. and neither one is home. (can’t count dorm living)  I suppose I will feel it when I’m home, really home. For now I suppose I’ll settle.. and try to keep on living each day.

The Accent Meme.. my first Vblog

If you want to do this video meme you just have to follow the script below.. I have the Fat Filter on my video.. you may have that option on your computer, I’m not sure..

Read this list of words as you normally would say them

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

Read and answer each question -

1. What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
2. What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
3. What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
4. What do you call gym shoes?
5. What do you say to address a group of people?
6. What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
7. What do you call your grandparents?
8. What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
9. What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
10. What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

I suppose I’ll watch this back…uggggg

what the fuck happened to my upper lip? have I always not had one???.. and do I smack my lips after I talk? and what’s up with the wrinkly eyebrows.. OMG that was scary.. I may do it again sometime.. we’ll see.. it was kinda like being on stage.. kind of a rush

Aruba Video

Yeah…I am REALLY counting down the days!