Being a Caregiver Sucks..

I’m almost giddy I can see the relief and help coming.  I may over the last couple posts brushed over the stress of this Care Giver role. Right now it is killing me. I feel guilty, needed, anxious, tired, bored, hurt, abandoned, lost.. a million different feelings.

Sometimes I just pray that God (god, he, she, fate whatever) just takes my parents.. painlessly and as soon as they are ready.

Mom is 85 and is walking bone on bone.. her knees are shot. She’s about 4’5 and weighs maybe 250lbs. Pain.. they say our pain level of 10 is her 4. She wants things the way they are but they can never be. There are strangers in her house touching her stuff. She’s lost almost all control, except for her control over me. Now my dad is coming home. She thinks he is going to be as when he left. I think dad has been gone since shortly after Christmas. Dad when from the hospital to the nursing home. He is needing 24 hour care. He’s plataued at the nursing home. He yells at me, he’s not happy. He said that he isn’t going to go home on Sunday, he’s going to be in heaven by that time. I told him that wasn’t an option, I  have gone through WAY to much shit for him to die before he gets home.

Prior to the Holidays.. from June through then it was only me.. and Jeremy doing anything for them. Occasionally I would have a cousin bring over some soup or something. But I was there twice a day. The cleaning lady would come by and the lady that does my mom’s hair. Finally after dad went into the hospital things had to change. The cleaning lady quit.. mom is getting worse at home. Since then I’ve been going from home to work to the hospital/nursing home to mom’s to home.. the only down time has really been 5th grade basketball.. or a slow day at work.

I get people telling me.. “Let me know what I can do”.. well.. can you drink some polyjuice potion and change yourself? Can you BE me? I’m POA, my mom trusts me.. my dad wants me.. Finally now that we’ve hired the aides things calmed a little with mom but there is still alot on my shoulders. This afternoon I’m meeting  to discuss some details. At least the meeting is at lunch.. and a fab little Turskish place I’ve been really wanting to try.

Later this afternoon I go with dad to the doctor. Then back to mom’s the evening.

Did I tell you 24 hour care at their house starts Sunday?? I guess that, plus the beautiful weather has me a bit giddy today. I told one of my BFF’s that I should be feeling worse inside.. but I don’t and I’m not going to complain. I entered to win a girl trip to NYC.. I really need to get away.. bad.. I’d love to just escape.

I have honestly been living one day at a time, which is all I can do.  I am really looking forward to getting back to the Y and being able to start taking care of myself. I feel like shit.

 

Signs that you are the worst blogger ever…

1. I have on the front page posts from almost a year ago.

2. See number one.

I don’t tweet anymore.. although I still do in my head occasionally..well alot.. but I don’t do it for real anymore.. I used to blog in my head…and I do sometimes.

I lost my password again, really.

It took Sarah.. and the Goonsquad to post on Facebook that she was giving away a Wii…for me to figure out my password so I could use my open ID.

So lets see what is new with me you ask? Or should I do what isn’t new?

• Same job
• Same house
• Parents still driving me nuts
• Still driving all over creation trying to keep up w/ the 4th graders sports

We’re going to Hawaii w/ my in laws in May. I’m not very excited about it, and I need to. I’ve never had any desire to go to Hawaii.. because I live in the Midwest.. and Hawaii is SO freaking far away. If I want a kick ass beach I can get to the Caribbean in 4 hours.  Oh well, we’re staying for free.. and I should get some good reading in since I’ll be on a plane for 2 days. (i know.. i’m sorry to bitch about such a kick ass trip.. but still)

We’re going to Milwaukee to see an NBA game.. we went to Indy earlier in the season for a game, it was fun. This should be cool too.

Still watching my TV shows.. Idol isn’t that great this year although I do love Crystal and Siobhan.

I have a crush on Boston Rob… and am bummed that Justin and Jordan got knocked off Amazing Race.. I didn’t realize he was as big a ditz as her.. perfect cute couple.

Watching V and Flashforward.. got Jeremy to watch some TV with me too.. he was totally digging The Forgotten and they canceled it.. pisser.

Well.. I’m on Facebook.. and if you can’t find me but want to be my FB friend let me know and I’ll add you. I play all the stupid games.

Brand New Post Involving Bullet Points!

• 

  This was our group that walked

  I have been in SUCH a blogging funk I feel like I’ve been gone for a million years.

• Lately I feel a million years old. My hair needs to be dyed, I have so many grey’s I look 60..not that there is anything wrong with being 60..it’s just that I’m still in my early 40′s.
• I just now forgot how old I was.
• I got out the calculator. I’m still 42
• I have been an excercising fool.
• I still can’t fit back into my skinnier pants that I was wearing last spring.
• We have a full membership to the Y and I take 2 classes a week. Deep Water Exercise. I really like it.
• I walk on the treadmill and ride the staionary bike.
• I bought a real live mountain bike. It’s a Schwinn. It’s Pink.
• I walked in my first “walk” at Forest Park. It was for March of Dimes in memory of Maddie. I met Lisa and Heather who have blogs and there really cute kids. There was also a woman named Adene who brought her preemie w/ her..he’s 13 and his friend. The last mile was tough, it was 3.25 miles or something like that.
• I started taking pictures again. Check the link on the side to Flickr.
• I’ve had some people offer to buy prints from me. They have only shown interest. Could you even imagine?
• I’ve been very irritable lately. I think I’m going through premenapause. (sorry to any boy reading). I haven’t had a period in at least 4 months. It could be because I’ve been exercising more. No I’m not pregnant and no I haven’t gone to the doctor.
• They cut our pay at work..that sucks. I’m one of the few people that is taking less pay but has to do more work. Hourly employees take an unpaid day off every pay period. I’d rather have one of those.
• I’m still addicted to Facebook and Twitter. I have a tweetdeck now.
• I’m going to Aruba in 6 weeks and I haven’t told my mother yet.
• My mother is driving me even MORE crazy than normal.
• I am starting to read blogs again…baby steps…baby steps…
• I really think I need to win the lottery.
• There was an earthquake in Mexico City today as well as that Swine Flu thing going around. I”m glad I don’t have plans to go to Mexico.
• Drew is playing baseball now. He likes it.
• It feels good to get back to random bullet points!

Where do popcorn shirmp come from?

More pictures are up on flickr now…click to see on the right side

Come home from vacation and live in a hotel..what’s up with that??

Hi all. I TOTALLY apologize for note learning how to do the admin features on my blog…I know you were really looking forward to a Biddy party..

Remember the bathroom saga..well the entire week we’ve been gone my cousin the construction worker has been redoing my bathroom. We have crap and dust ALL over the house and no toilet or shower..maybe until Friday. I had to extend the cats stay at the kennel and Jack is staying at mom and dad’s.

BUT…we are experiencing “Pimp My Bathroom”.. OMG…OMG… We’re going to have a shower w/ a shower head, 2 body sprayers and a seat…new floor, new ceilings w/ 2 heating lamps and an exhuast fan (we never had a fan in the bathroom…mp says while holding her nose) When it’s all done I will be SO happy. Then we just need to get the kitchen plumbing up to par..that’s a whole other story.

I have 89403 pictures..yes I do!~ You know I will be making you go look at all of them.

Did you follow my twitters? I was following a few people then I turned it off, the alarms got annoying.

Here are some highlights from the trip:

We drove after the American Idol concert through to Hilton Head…without stopping. I drove through the moutains at sunrise when everyone else was asleep..that was awesome.

We went boogie boarding in the beach everyday for a while. This was Drews first time to the beach and he LOVED it.. He wiped out once though..but got back in there. I have not had that much fun in the beach for YEARS. J got out there too…every morning I would get up SOOOO sore and I would just get my swimsuite on..grab my boogie board and spf 50 and head to the beach. TOO much fun.

We also went onto a lake and saw alligators..and a rubber raft following a shrimp boat watching dolphin..and shark. We played putt putt..swam in the pool, made dinner, went out to dinner, road bikes. Then on the way home we stopped in Atlanta and went to the Georgia Aquarium. OMG that is awesome. We decided when we hit Nashville to just drive home but we knew we couldn’t go “home” so I called to get a hotel near Drew’s house..we went to Harrah’s.. $100 for a room w/ 2 Queen beds..perfect. We got there, there were no rooms and we got booted up to a Penthouse suite for the same rate.. Very Nice.

So today we napped at a hotel near our house, tomorrow I’m going w/ my cousin to pick out tile. We’re unpacking the rental right now since we have to return that tomorrow..we won’t stay too long though, the dust is killing me.

I had internet and blog withdrawls..I need to catch up on the news too.

So just in case I don’t get to everyone’s blog leave me a comment and let me know what is up with you? Any exciting news?

Believe me by Monday I’ll up date w/ little stories and hopefully have some pictures uploaded.