My blog is holding me accountable..

I’m hiding.
I’m procrastinating.
I am NOT living up to my “nomoreexcuses” montage..
I have avoided my blog because it is now my friend, and it’s holding me accountable.

No.. I have let calls go to voicemail. I need to fire the in home care company.. and it’s family. I have to fire him before my parents go into the poor house. I need to do it by tomorrow….or Saturday.. I’m so fucking chicken shit. I HATE confrontation.

I also got hurt by a friend.. I never get hurt, i usually don’t allow myself to open up enough to get hurt.. I took a chance, first time in at least 12 years and I got hurt.. and I’m not dealing with that very well. I need to walk away but I haven’t. It would be a “death” and I’d have to mourn the loss of the friendship and in hurting this person it would hurt me again.. I don’t feel like dealing with that right now.

I feel like this part of the song Breath

2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to

I need to pack and move. Seriously. Paycheck to paycheck is not flying at all. I need to get moving and live my life. This is way harder than I thought it would be.

Reading Blogs

I started reading blogs again. Not always commenting but I’m reading them. I’m not only reading the “old blogs” but reading fresh pressed and clicking links.

I am promising myself I wont’ get caught up in the blog world like last time. It’s about my personal journal, things I need to say, want to say or share. If someone else is reading it.. than great. If not I won’t die.

I read this post today and fell in love with it. I am a reader..

Blogging.. Old School

I decided I have been venting a bit and wanted to do some old school blogging.. you know, a meme.

I looked at some of my old meme’s and saw that date I first tagged my friend Nancy.. 9/2008. I just found her blog, now I play games with her.. and her son on Facebook..

Anyway.. I didn’t want to do a meme that I already did.. so I thought I’d search WordPress.. look at blogs that recently did a meme. You know what.. ?? No one is doing them! I am finding French stuff.. and words that have an meme in them.. and some chick that did a Prince meme. No good old meme’s.

The one meme that I found had unspectacular things about me.. where I mentioned, (in 2008) that I use Tide to wash my clothes, Secret under my arms and Crest tooth paste.. and I have to tell you, I have not been faithful to Crest. I am using some whitening thing. I have been drinking more coffee I suppose and need to make sure those pearly white’s are pearly.

Well.. random things about me. at 44.
In bullets.. cause they are cool and old school and allow me to not create complete sentences.

 

• I am totally into genealogy. I have yet to figure out my biological family (that is a whole other ball of wax)  but have been having loads of fun doing my mom and dad’s family, especially my mom’s. Traced all the way back to Pocahontas. I am using ancestry.com and findagrave.com I LOVE it!
• My taste in music has changed a bit. I am really into the singer songwriters. I guess I always was but now I’m a huge Ben Folds fan as well as She and Him. I guess I like that Folk Sound.  On the other hand I have totally been digging Eminim.( I feel like Tevah in Fiddler On The Roof) and on the other hand I still like my rock.. Pink.. and my Pop .. Katy Perry.
• I am getting my nails done.. have for a month now. I can’t afford it, but it makes me feel good. I am having them use the OPI gel polish and I love it. I feel girly and I am not biting them. I love having polish that doesn’t chip that is NOT an overlay.
• I have abandoned the smell and texture of a book.. and I now have a Nook. I have an extensive list on goodreads.com and feel very geeky and that I have somehow sold out by getting an eReader, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
• I have not been taking pictures.. at all. I loved it so much and I don’t know what happened.. well I kinda do but I’m not in the over-sharing mood. I miss it.  I may pick it up again soonish.

So.. are there any old school bloggers still doing things like meme’s and tagging and stuff? If you know let me know.. although I think only three of you have read my blog since the incarnation

Signs that you are the worst blogger ever…

1. I have on the front page posts from almost a year ago.

2. See number one.

I don’t tweet anymore.. although I still do in my head occasionally..well alot.. but I don’t do it for real anymore.. I used to blog in my head…and I do sometimes.

I lost my password again, really.

It took Sarah.. and the Goonsquad to post on Facebook that she was giving away a Wii…for me to figure out my password so I could use my open ID.

So lets see what is new with me you ask? Or should I do what isn’t new?

• Same job
• Same house
• Parents still driving me nuts
• Still driving all over creation trying to keep up w/ the 4th graders sports

We’re going to Hawaii w/ my in laws in May. I’m not very excited about it, and I need to. I’ve never had any desire to go to Hawaii.. because I live in the Midwest.. and Hawaii is SO freaking far away. If I want a kick ass beach I can get to the Caribbean in 4 hours.  Oh well, we’re staying for free.. and I should get some good reading in since I’ll be on a plane for 2 days. (i know.. i’m sorry to bitch about such a kick ass trip.. but still)

We’re going to Milwaukee to see an NBA game.. we went to Indy earlier in the season for a game, it was fun. This should be cool too.

Still watching my TV shows.. Idol isn’t that great this year although I do love Crystal and Siobhan.

I have a crush on Boston Rob… and am bummed that Justin and Jordan got knocked off Amazing Race.. I didn’t realize he was as big a ditz as her.. perfect cute couple.

Watching V and Flashforward.. got Jeremy to watch some TV with me too.. he was totally digging The Forgotten and they canceled it.. pisser.

Well.. I’m on Facebook.. and if you can’t find me but want to be my FB friend let me know and I’ll add you. I play all the stupid games.

Guess what I DID??

I read a few blogs..commented..and even entered a contest I’m not going to win. WHY you ask?

PW is coming to town!! I need to feel like a blogger again instead of a facebook addict. Yes, Pioneer Woman has created a cookbook which she is selling in stores…AND she’s going to be at a bookstore in town that I didn’t even know existed and sign books. I just read Jean’s post about the event which made me miss blogging.

I get in these kicks..it was actually my status update on Facebook yesterday. WHY..is it SO easy to break good habits and SO hard to break bad ones??

Blogging, IMO was a good habit. It was an internal therapy, I really enjoyed it then I went kind of Pppbbbttt… I started a reader..then I had all these obligations to read all these blogs and then I did what I do really well.. I quit. Just figured that instead of picking a few people to quit reading I just quit reading everyone’s blog. And I didn’t feel one bit guilty. Why..you ask? Well because I was tweeting…and twittering and twot.. Ooo no maybe not. Anywhoo I was in touch with the majority of the community still. Twitter, twitter.. I could even do it from my phone. Then came Facebook….to which I fell off the deep end. Grade School, High School, College, Work collegues..Farmville, Fish Wrangler, Mafia Wars, Bejeweled Blitz. Yes, I got SUCKED in..and really still am. Next step.. A BLACKBERRY! Oh yeah. I can tweet and FB from my fricking phone. I am a machine. I can also blog from it..for reals!

So.. now tweeting has gone to the wayside a little.. my FB status updates aren’t as often. I realized that there were a bunch of “friends” that didn’t care about the types of updates I was typing..only blog friends would appreciate them. Family didn’t care that I just heard thunder and almost peed my pants..but I know if you are reading this you may enjoy that comment..or not..

The one thing that I have been VERY lax in is photography. My favorite hobby next to TV and books. My flick account just isn’t getting the action it used to either.

The thing is, nothing has really replaced these things I”m not doing anymore. So what am I doing? I dunno…

So..hopefully you will see me around here a little more. And hopefully I’ll start reading blogs more..and I’ll be taking more pictures.. And please be my friend on Mafia Wars and Farmville..

Brand New Post Involving Bullet Points!

• 

  This was our group that walked

  I have been in SUCH a blogging funk I feel like I’ve been gone for a million years.

• Lately I feel a million years old. My hair needs to be dyed, I have so many grey’s I look 60..not that there is anything wrong with being 60..it’s just that I’m still in my early 40′s.
• I just now forgot how old I was.
• I got out the calculator. I’m still 42
• I have been an excercising fool.
• I still can’t fit back into my skinnier pants that I was wearing last spring.
• We have a full membership to the Y and I take 2 classes a week. Deep Water Exercise. I really like it.
• I walk on the treadmill and ride the staionary bike.
• I bought a real live mountain bike. It’s a Schwinn. It’s Pink.
• I walked in my first “walk” at Forest Park. It was for March of Dimes in memory of Maddie. I met Lisa and Heather who have blogs and there really cute kids. There was also a woman named Adene who brought her preemie w/ her..he’s 13 and his friend. The last mile was tough, it was 3.25 miles or something like that.
• I started taking pictures again. Check the link on the side to Flickr.
• I’ve had some people offer to buy prints from me. They have only shown interest. Could you even imagine?
• I’ve been very irritable lately. I think I’m going through premenapause. (sorry to any boy reading). I haven’t had a period in at least 4 months. It could be because I’ve been exercising more. No I’m not pregnant and no I haven’t gone to the doctor.
• They cut our pay at work..that sucks. I’m one of the few people that is taking less pay but has to do more work. Hourly employees take an unpaid day off every pay period. I’d rather have one of those.
• I’m still addicted to Facebook and Twitter. I have a tweetdeck now.
• I’m going to Aruba in 6 weeks and I haven’t told my mother yet.
• My mother is driving me even MORE crazy than normal.
• I am starting to read blogs again…baby steps…baby steps…
• I really think I need to win the lottery.
• There was an earthquake in Mexico City today as well as that Swine Flu thing going around. I”m glad I don’t have plans to go to Mexico.
• Drew is playing baseball now. He likes it.
• It feels good to get back to random bullet points!

St Louis Team Maddie

PLEASE JOIN ME on St Louis Team Maddie

Bloggers all over the country are walking for the March of Dimes in Maddie’s honor.

To see if there are bloggers getting together in your city please visit Lotus at Sarcastic Mom. There are also purple T shirts available.

Blog thinking has returned

At least 5 times this weekend I thought their were some blogworthy things to talk about..that’s a step in the right direction isn’t it?
I’ve forgotten what they all were though.

Normally I just tweet them (twitter) or add to facebook. Normally now..

We went to a friends for dinner Saturday night. Ate then played Mexican Train dominoes. It was a good time. J ate too much and then felt like crap all day yesterday.

I decided to go to the Y every day and exercise…at least 30 minutes. I have totally blown it but at least I’m going 3 or more days a week.
I can’t walk on the treadmill without holding on. I like it. I never thought I would say that.

You watching American Idol…I am. I’m a Danny fan.

You watching Amazing Race.. I am. I think the only one’s I don’t care for are the tweedle bros..I hate that they screwed w/ the pumps. Moooooooommmm … remember that from last night. My husband had to stifle a snicker.

You watching Survivor? … I am. My favorite right now is Taj. I don’t think she’s going to make it to the merge. I hope so though.

I’m still hungry. Off to hunt food.

What’s it all about?

I realize that is where I was…what is it all about? I turned into a stat watcher. I mean what the hell was I trying to prove? It’s not like I even had ads to make money…

I was reading blogs and commenting because I felt I had to..I guess I’m kinda starting over without really starting over. God knows I don’t need the 3rd incarnation of my blog.

So..Mary is over at Facebook now. WOW lots of people have popped up that I used to hang with when I was just out of college. I never understood why they didn’t party as much as me. These are the people that have been married for 12-15 years already. Back then that was the FURTHEST thing from my mind. It’s nice to see them again..I’ve finally matured to their level.

It was Spring for a couple days, now starting tomorrow it’s supposed to be cold again. That sucks..

I need new socks. I can’t find the matching ones and I’ll need to wear some tomorrow.

I broke my tooth yesterday on a pretzel. No shit. It was one of those awesome hard Bavarian ones..I cracked that little bitty molar right before the back teeth..the back ones are already capped and this one was filled to the top. I have a feeling I’m going to get another crown And you know what the worst part is? It’s the shots.. big ass needles forcefully going into your gums. I don’t think in my extensive life of dental issues had one visit that did NOT require them hitting a nerve and making me cry. For reals..

So..that is my afternoon. I’m looking forward to American Idol tonight, Top 13 don’t cha know. I am NOT excited that it’s Michael Jackson night.

Please..I LOVE me some black Michael. You know..the Thriller years. Now..he’s a laughing stock.

Michael sings Michael.. Not Anoop..not Megan..and dear God not Michael the big guy..maybe Danny does..we will see.

I F*ing LOVE these blogs

Fancy, f’ing LOVES my blog so much she gave me this bling!

 

The rules:

 

 

1. The winner can put the logo on their blog

2. Link the person you received the award from

3. Nominate 7 other blogs

4. Put links of those blogs on yours

5. Leave a message on the blogs nominated

OK…so I get to pick 7 people

1. Boobs Injuries and Dr Pepper
2. Waiter Rant
3. Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds
4. Biddy’s World
5. I am Bossy
6. Under the Arch
7. The Essential Shot

These are all blogs that I f’ing love and click on everyday..even though I don’t leave comments and I’m not posting on my blog either.

I don’t feel like leaving a lot of comments today…I actually have been sleeping like crap lately and could seriously just shut my eyes for a while..problem is my boss walks by my office to go to the printer..AND I snore..I’m sure I’d get busted.

OH…thank you for asking. My birthday is next Monday! November 10th.
So is Connie’s.