Old People Smack Down

I really don’t know where to begin. This is a 100% true story…honest abe.

Yesterday I was having a bit of a shitty day. I was stressing at work, having a bit of a nic fit, trying to figure one how to do everything I needed to get done before our road trip.

One of the things I needed to do was wash my mom’s hair. Just in case you are new here or haven’t paid attention in the past.. Dad is 87, Mom is 82.. Dad isn’t too sharp mentally and is weaker than he has been in the past. He’s fallen a few times, landed in the old folks home for a stint and is an all around great guy. Mom can barely walk. Her knees blew out on her at least 20 years ago but she was too chicken to have surgery..so they got worse and worse…so she didn’t move much..so she gained weight. The woman still does crossword puzzles every day. The woman can drive you fruit.

Being a bit selfish I decided that I’m going to stop and get BBQ for me and J..and Jack. I didn’t want to see if mom and dad wanted anything cause if I went over there she’d make me do something and I’m hungry and having a nic fit and I want to go home first and get into shorts.

I called my husband for the 3965 time that day, he still didn’t pick up the phone. I explained I had forgotten my cell phone but that I was getting BBQ…then around 7:30 was going to go wash mom’s hair..then we’d watch Big Brother. (uggg w/ the POV)

At 6pmish I walk into my house w/ BBQ. I see a note on the table; it reads: “Your Dad fell. Jack and I at your parents. “

I turn around, not even setting my bags ‘ o ‘ bbq down and head back to the car.. damn it..shit…all the way to the car.

I get to mom and dad’s in 3 minutes (they are really close)..and walk into the back door. I can hear them talking. I walk in the kitchen and the dogs are yapping and mom, dad and J are sitting at the table.

Hands on my hips: “What happened?” “Are you OK?” “What time did you fall?” and the 354 other questions.

Well then the three of them start talking at the same time and the dogs are yapping… “half hour ago” “why didn’t you get your parents bbq” “ooo there is bbq?” “do you want chop suey? honey go downstairs and bring that up then can you fix it?” “yeah why didn’t you call us?” “your mother pushed me” “he hit his head on the tile” “do something about that blood” “get a bandage”

Jeremy went home, I gave mom and dad my bbq and then I went home. I changed cloths, we grabbed a burger then I went back to wash mom’s hair. She was in the bathroom and dad was in the yard w/ the dogs. After going back and forth, back and forth..I got the story.

They were having a “discussion” about something. Neither one remembers WHAT it was about but it turned into an argument. Dad pulled mom’s earring and it ripped it out of her ear. She got pissed and picked up her cane and poked at him…he leaned back to avoid being poked by the rubber tip of the cane..that was being thrust at him by the 82  year old woman in the chair…and he fell…and got a rugburn on his elbow and little knot on his head.

I spoke to my mother this morning and reminded her that you do NOT hit dad with the cane or PRETEND to hit him..he’s more fragile. She said, “Well you don’t raise a hand to me, I have a temper..I’m Irish and Indian. You do know that our Cherokee roots go back….” to which I tell her… “I don’t care what nationality you are, do NOT wag or poke dad with your cane!”… she says, “He pulled my ear”…. me, “he was teasing!”.. her “no he was angry”……

she says.. “I think you’ve gained weight”